experimental living

usually i edit a bit but this is just a painting by mark whalen in my eyes

you aren't familiar with the life from within a pool
tiles create organized
conscious space
you can enter with the ladder
come on down be careful
but be care full
watch your head
them he they is are
double dutch with dreams
you can ignore the self-mutilating man
everyone does

but everywhere you go the slop will be there with you
he wont lose you
or stop the dripping of poison from your soul

but the water can keep you up as long as you can live
can you do that for me?
can you live?

for butts
for taste
for creation
why not

public

this is a haiku i wrote while camping

wringing their own necks
shooting an inquisitive
twist snap of the head

love-knot

delicate symmetry
we have our way of stray and fade
but in my wrists and fingertips you remain
your touch
only anticipated in my subconscious 
but the static electricity
burned its nonexistent trail
into the canyons of my fingertips
carved deep by.... innocence.....
is a sour spasm
stinging in my bones
you are the winds of st petersburg
howling in the west
in place of marrow 
cooling me from the inside 
with a passing thought of you
a shiver
cracks like thunder
and rolls a salty tear
from blurred sight to slurred tongues
do not weep, starlight fig
but let your words flow
into my lips
your bells and whistles welcome
to adorn your dreams in garden
taste buds bloom
yellow picket teeth
stained please stay up i need more
glass eyes dry
i cant.
help but stay
when theres nothing between east and west
but ill look for you anyway

this is an old piece of writing i found. its just a recollection actually. skinny dipping.

direct quote
no changes
i might play with these words and organize them into a nice poem sometime soon but i like this for now because it makes me just a little bit sick

"being naked in the lake
other naked friends scattered around in the water like passengers of a sinking ship trying to find solace in themselves before they die in their own little space bubbles that could never intersect
they just floated at equal distances from each other without a care
i cant feel or hear or see anyone else but i  know theyre there
admiring the same endless sky
breathing the same breath-takingly chilly air
 but the water doesnt burn my naked body with its temperature because i dont care about it
i convinced myself that i was in the perfect place and that this is all there was and i was fine
therefore i knew it to be true 
i had to force air into my lungs to keep my chest above water
i could feel my ribs loose buoyancy as the air escaped through my lips and my body sunk under starting with my ankles and then my knees, and so on
the resurfacing of my face and the air biting my wet face slapped me into reality
my body was suddenly exhausted and i was breathing heavily
i could not tread water for any longer
but i was so far away from anything
so i took a deep breath and tried to calm myself
naturally, i could feel my body stuck to the surface of the water
i put my head under but kept it horizontal to the surface of the water
all of a sudden my world was on the other side of the water and my less-dense previous home didn’t feel right on my legs and toes and arms and fingers.
it was a struggle against gravity to move deeper into the air
i could much easier sink into my welcoming sky
i breathed out
slowly
as my lungs emptied i started to float up face down into the anti-sky
my stomach expanded as my ribs pulled in closer to each other
a small spurt of breath escaped my mouth and the bubbles tickled  my lips
it was then that i wanted to die
i didnt know why
so i accepted it and rotated my body vertically and calmly at the fixed point of my hips
i gasped for air and went back into the water and started slowly making my way back to my friends
i flipped over on my back and realized that it was darker than before
i watched the moonlight glow on my thighs and my stomach through the clear lake water
i wish i could have seen all the way to the bottom 
ive thought about my death almost everyday since then"

NAUSEA HEADACHE DISILLUSIONMENT

dripping crimson drapes
sanguine sunrise bleeds through you
on   me
exposes my thighs to the birth of the day
muscles that had rotted the night through
the sheets
skin to thread count
my aching limbs wake
in place of andrea scott
i do not know this woman
yet i lay where she calls home in her absence
she had left more than a few whispers and prescriptions
that say "good night" on this one night stand
they settled like milky blue billowing pillows of smoke
 over which i hovered, strained
refusing to collide the atmosphere of my face with hers

examining her supposed sleep-inducing
sprays, lotions, oils, and balms
palms, clenched in palms
your broken breathing
ruptures the still, stale  air in front of my face
i can tell you're hungover and half-awake
i can hear the vibration in your throat as a moan escapes with the exhale
you curl your body tighter

i want to go home
to sleep, enveloped int he warm friction between my skin and sheets
seclusion
to fill the room with only my thoughts and breath
severed
from grandfather time
and grandmother, please tell your yappy-ass dog to shut the fuck up
i'm tired of being barked at in my own home
i feel unwelcome enough as it is

when i'm here
you're not
it starts to rain now
more than a drizzle, less than a pour
blind
im asking my feet to carry me somewhere familiar but nowhere ive seen before

the world
captured and compressed into tiny domes
held with tension
yet i search inward
where no senses are needed to feel absolute emotion
no catalyst required
and no language needed to prove it
but out here the air is thick with the stench of ridicule
tainted sour with lies

i cant sense presence
past the drops that obscure my vision
but like most things
you try to wipe it clean
and youre left worse than
you were before you
even realized
you couldn't
see a damn thing

hey, you

50 trillion-celled organism
i hope you know that you are a brilliant, beautiful being.
you have the capability to create wonderful things with your mind,
sound them out with your mouth,
write them, paint them, play them...
with your hands...
your hard working hands
that have caressed and comforted, offended, prayed and punished.
use them now to create
something for yourself
to ground yourself here as a part of this Earth and community
but also to free you
and dis-imprison these thoughts from the confines
of all your demented minds
share them with us
and we will absorb, make connections,
and be influenced and overwhelmed.
we will feel how you want us to feel.
appreciate and take full advantage of the fact that you can put
 your thoughts
in my head
maybe i can empathize
stimulate me
EXPLOIT YOURSELF